Lice happens.

What about Bob?-2.jpg

Let me be clear: LICE is a four-letter word for a reason. I know, I know, the world is full of tragedy and unimaginable horrors, but like most things in life, this blog is about me…and I’m not even the one who has LICE. Yet.

My gorgeous daughter, with lush, rich brown hair that’s nearly a**-length, does. Seriously, her hair could have been on a television commercial for the perfect head of hair until yesterday when I cut it off with sewing shears while she cried.

You may not know that it is very difficult to treat LICE when the head of hair in question is thick as a mane and the length of a Disney princesses’.

As of 6 p.m. on 2/18/16, my kid has a bob—a LICEY bob.

Because she got the “nice” gene from my dear husband, she has forgiven me for the hatchet job. She told me she likes the haircut. That’s how generous she is: she refers to what went down in our kitchen as a haircut.

Now that the hair is short, I have the ability to handle this situation. Sorta. I must admit, the last 24 hours has been a nit-filled rollercoaster…and I hate every single thing about amusement parks.

I welcome any of you to tell me that the mere thought of LICE doesn’t immediately make you itchy and bitchy, because I have been both.

I know some of you out there probably think this could never happen to your little Susie, whose hair smells of rose petals. Think again.

Getting LICE doesn’t mean your kid or your house is dirty. On the contrary, those little buggers prefer clean hair—it offers easier access to the scalp, which is where the action is. I will not go into any more detail because just thinking about it makes me uncomfortable.

Keep in mind that Susie with the clean hair and Hanna with the killer hygiene…SO NOT immune to this horror. LICE will turn up at camps where rich kids “summer” as sure as it will rear its disgusting little head at many a dubious daycare. Those LICE don’t care who you are. Case in point: I think I’m a pretty big deal, and so far LICE has given no indication of giving a sh*t.

On a positive note, I’ve experienced the kindness of neighbors and parents and school nurses over the last 24 hours that makes me certain the world isn’t sh**ty to its core. 

These people have been like a gift to me. I wonder, however, is this one of those gifts that I have to pay forward? Is this the part where I tell you to call me if your kid gets LICE so I can offer my support and guidance?

…Lord, I guess you can call me.